Real Raggin' Wednesday - The Wal-M*rt Chronicles

This is a BIG step for me. According to the rules of the Real Raggin' Wednesday, I have to FORGIVE whomever or whatever I rag on. And the thought of forgiving Wal-M*rt isn't an easy one. But I have decided I can forgive, but that doesn't mean I have ANY intention of darkening their door ANYTIME soon (even if they are building a GREAT BIG NEW SUPER CENTER nearby... that's actually LESS appealing than a regular Wal-m*art to me)

You know how women emit pheromones that supposedly attract guys? I apparently emit something that makes Wal-m*rt break when I walk in the door. If it CAN go wrong there, it WILL. I could do MILES of posts about Wal-M*rt and I, but I'm just going to limit it to one incredibly bizarre story.

It's December, 1998. Miss KJ is a couple weeks old and has grown enough to need the next bigger size huggies (I love huggies... they were SUCH a superior diaper) and we needed some formula, so we headed up to the only nearby store - Super Wal-M*rt. Since it was cold out, I ran in by myself and left Him and Miss KJ in the car. (Who am I kidding - he ALWAYS stayed in the car... let the woman do the work!)

Grabbing a cart, I make a b-line for the baby section - grab a pack of diapers, stand and wait for family with 9 children to vacate the formula isle so I can grab some of that, then head to the registers. Now, one of the pheromones I emit causes whatever line I am to be the one where all hell breaks loose, so I just head for the nearest one, and there were 3 people ahead of me (I must insert here how much I LURV TARGET!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Our cashier that day is a young man who has a perpetual look of terror on his face.

SO, lady #1 gets though, man #2 gets through, lady #3 empties her cart, and then informs terrified-check-out-boy that she has several layaway's she wants to pay on. Like 4 tvs and 6 vcrs. (???) I don't know the process by which a Wal-M*rt employee is to take payments for layaways, and neither did terrified-check-out-boy. He had a DEVIL of a time. Squawks and beeps coming from his register I'd never heard before. Beads of sweat forming on his forehead. More button pushing, lady getting impatient and loud. Finally he flips the switch that makes his little light come on. How useless is that light? It would be a great idea if someone were actually WATCHING the lights, but there's never anyone around. So, he stands there... she stands there... I stand there... the glare of the light flashing off his sweaty terrified little face. No one comes... blink blink blink... still no one comes... blink blink blink.... it's now EASILY been 35 minutes he's been dealing with this lady and no one is helping and she finally says "I'll just go pay on them at customer service." THANK GOD!!!! The look of relief on terrified-check-out-boy is almost cute. Being a good Wal-M*rt employee he neither looks me in the eye nor says anything to me as he scans my two items. One box of Huggies, 2 Cans for formula. Should come to around $40. He hits the total button and says "Your total is one thousand two hundred forty seven dollars and seventeen cents." I give him one of those "are you shi**ing me" looks. Now, it seriously took probably a good thirty seconds before he said "That's not right is it?"

UM.... NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, he pushes buttons to clear things... nothing happens. He cancels things. Nothing works. The sweat is back. Then... he reaches for the light switch. At this point I become an Atheist because the Bible says God will not give us more than we can handle and CLEARLY this time HE HAS! Blink blink blink... I put my head down and beat it on the credit card machine. Blink blink blink... Sweat blink blink blink... At this point I'm about to just lay down and cry when a CSM FINALLY notices the light and helps terrified-check-out-boy clear everything out and start over. I give him my $36.84 and get the hell out of dodge. At this point Bob has called his friend at the Sheriffs office to see if there are any reports of a hold up at Wal-M*ar (Heaven forbid he come in and see what's going on), and I just got in, sat down, and cried.

So, there it is... that is how my hatred for Wal-M*rt began. And believe you me, I have given them a BAJILLION chances to improve. Now, I just don't go there anymore.

Ok.... so.... I....for......forg.......forg (oh my GOSH this is hard)... I forgive you Wal-M*rt for being the stupid stupid store that you are. I forgive. I will not, however, forget.