More Christmas Program Memories.... (Whole DIFFERENT kind of tissue warning)

My 6th grade teacher had a son, Erik, who had albinism (apparently saying Albino isn't PC). The fairest skin and white white hair, and the palest blue eyes you have ever seen. And even in Nordic Minnesota, he stood out in a crowd.

He was in Kindergarten the year I was in 6th grade.

The time had come for our Christmas Program. (If you read yesterday's post - it was the same program) Our music teacher informed us "big kids" the day before our program that we were to sit in the bleachers QUIETLY while waiting for our turn to sing. No matter WHAT the little kids did, we were to be QUIET. Pretty much under penalty of death.

The night came and we were sitting in the bleachers. The little kindergartners wandered onto the stage to do their traditional selections of Jingle Bells, Rudolph & Frosty. Somewhere towards the end of Jingle Bells, Erik started picking his nose. And not just a discrete swipe, but a full-on archaeological DIG of his nose. After some time he apparently found his treasure as he was clearly admiring SOMETHING on the end of his finger. He gazed at it fondly for a few minutes while we tried SO HARD not to laugh.

Soon, the "item" at the end of his finger lost his interest, and he shook his finger to remove it. But.. being a typical item, it stuck. He shook harder. It stuck. He shook SUPER hard... and yet that stubborn "item" would NOT be moved.

Being the wise boy that he was, he quickly figured out the solution to his problem. He turned to his neighbor, wiped his finger down his neighbor's sleeve, and continued right on singing Frosty the Snowman with his class.

We couldn't help it. We all lost it. The whole 6th grade. Busted out laughing.

Our music teacher's head wiped around to face us, and the death daggers coming from her eyes promised that we wouldn't see recess for at LEAST a month.

The next day we filed into music class, knowing full well we were about to get an EARFUL...

"WHAT EXACTLY WAS SO FUNNY THAT YOU HAD TO DISRUPT THE ENTIRE PROGRAM?"

We all looked at each other. Who would be the one brave enough to explain what had happened? Chan took the bull by the horns. He respectfully stood up, and explained, in full detail with accompanying hand motions, what had taken place.

Not ONLY did the music teacher turn some shades of red I've never seen as she laughed, she JOINED us outside for recess that afternoon.

I guess we were forgiven.

It's Time (up front tissue warning)

I have a story I want to share with you. I've been waiting. Waiting for the sign that it was time. What was I waiting for? For the first time I would hear the Christmas carol "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day." I heard it last night, so the time has come.

John Bernau was the "yucky" kid in my elementary school. He wore 2nd hand/hand-me-down clothes. He was the oldest of... a lot of boys... I really have no idea how many. His mom always seemed to be pregnant. His dad... I don't know what he did for a living but he drank away his paychecks. The family lived in a run-down, single-wide trailer. The boys all had home-done buzz cuts and mom obviously didn't have the steadiest of hands... there were always little bald spots and uneven spots.

Because of the ever-present "Alphabetical Order" in elementary school, I was next to John in everything. Including our lockers. And I'll be honest. He didn't always smell so good. He ALWAYS smelled like a stale cigarette, but sometimes even worse. He wore Converse shoes when they were NOT cool. He stuttered a little.

We kids were MEAN to him. M-E-A-N mean. We teased him, kids pushed him, they super glued the lock on his locker. We ignored him. We laughed at his stammering... we were mean.

The Christmas of 6th grade, I was chosen to sing a solo in the school Christmas program (back when you could have a public school Christmas program). I would be singing the first 2 verses of "I Heard The Bells." I'll admit, I was feeling good and smug. Then, Mrs. Ludtke rocked my world. (And NOT in a good way) She announced who would be singing the next 2 verses.

John Bernau.

I was going to have to stand, on the stage, alone, with John Bernau. My moment in the spotlight - ruined. Oh the unfairness of it all. The horror. The embarrassment.

The night came... I had on my best Christmas duds (believe it or not I do NOT think they were plaid)... I had my hair all brushed and cute holiday accessorized. I got to school and saw John. Same clothes as usual - brown cords, brown plaid shirt, blue falling-apart converse shoes.

Ugh.

The time came. John & I took the stage. The piano started, and I stepped forward to sing my part:

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play
And wild and sweet, the words repeat
Of peace on earth good will, to men.

I thought how as the day had come
The belfries of all Christendom
Had roll'd along th' unbroken song
Of Peace on earth, good will to men.

Then, John's verses:

And in despair, I bow'd my head:
"There is no peace on earth," I said,
"For hate is strong and mocks the song,
Of Peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With Peace on earth, good will to men."

Obviously as a twelve-year-old the message was lost on me. I was still mortified to be standing there with John Bernau.

I can't tell you at what point my feelings changed. Obviously at some point I grew up and realized that John Bernau was just a sweet little boy, trapped by circumstances which were in NO WAY under his control. When he needed a friend, he got foes. When he needed encouragement, he got ignored. When he needed a smile, he got a sneer.

My heart now breaks every time I hear that song. I can't hear it and keep my eyes dry. The remorse I feel. The guilt. How horrid was I? A child who was teased herself. How could I turn around and be so mean, when I knew exactly how it felt? Sick.

I moved away from that town in 8th grade. I don't know what happened to John Bernau. I hope beyond hope that he was able to rise above all our crap. That he has gone on to a happy life. I hope he was able to break the cycle that he grew up in.

I have searched the internet for years for a listing for John Bernau. I guess I was looking for assurance that he was okay. That our stupid, idiotic, childishness didn't hurt him permanently. But I've never found anything that indicated it was he. I told Mr. B this story, and he started looking. And he found a John Bernau that lives in a town about 30 miles from where we lived. Surely it must be him, right?

So I have here a letter. Written to John Bernau, addressed to the address we found. I'm sending it today. It's not a very long letter. It's just an apology. A long over-due apology.

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep;
"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;
The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,
With Peace on earth, good will to men."

You win some... you Lose Some

I am a temp employee. I've been working at this place since early May. My contract is up on December 31st. I had planned to talk to my boss about their plans for that point, and then started hearing a lot of talk about them hiring to replace a lady in our office who went on disability, and started to get worried.

Friday morning I got an e-mail from my boss "When you're done with your morning work, can you please let me know? I need to talk to you for 5-10 minutes."

Crap. Crap Crap Crappity Crap.

I figured at the very best she was going to tell me that I was going back to 32 hours a week, and at worst that they were hiring someone else and December 31st would be my last day.

I was tempted to REALLY be slow about getting my work done, but why delay the inevitable, you know?

I got done, she got free... I went in and she had this look on her face and I just knew it. She and I have become really good friends and I could tell she was NOT wanting to do this.

"Ok, I just wanted to have a few minutes to talk to you about this before I go to St. Louis next week."

CRAP... CRAAAAAAAAAP

"How would you feel about making this position full time?"

CRAAAA......wait...... HUNH????

"We'd like you to start supporting two of the brokers. It'll be a lot more work. You'll be a Wachovia employee - insurance, 401K, paid sick time & vacation, and we're not sure yet but at least a $2 an hour raise"

Did you hear screaming Friday morning?

That was me.

Saying yes.

Turkey, Tettrizini & Travel....

The Tuesday evening before Thanksgiving I drove the hour to where I meet their dad when we swap them, then came back home and packed up for my weekend in HOTLANTA!!!!

Wednesday my boss GRACIOUSLY let us close the office about an hour early so I could get on the road. WOO HOO!!! I was driving along, boppin to some tunes... crossed the border into South Carolina.. woo hoo!! Cheap gas!!

Kept going till i got down to Greenville.. which is about an hour south of my house. Found a station that said "$1.54" and pulled in. I reached over to get my wallet out of my purse and found....

A BIG hole where my wallet should be. Yes, ladies and gentleman, I had LEFT my wallet at home. An hour away. And it's ALL Sonic's (the drive-in, not the hedgehog) fault. See, I gone there at lunch to get an Egg Nog milkshake - and they don't' HAVE them. HAD they HAD them I would have attempted to PAY for it and I would have realized I didn't have my wallet. Thanks for NOTHING Sonic.

So I must turn around and drive the hour back to my house. But remember why I stopped... to get gas... why? Because I was RUNNING LOW.

(Side note - here is a brief sketch of my travels from Tuesday night through Sunday afternoon. Each line represents a trip)(Map is not to scale)

Okay, back to the story. I'm driving home, UP BIG MOUNTAINS... (that guzzles gas for you flat-landers) and the gas light comes on in my car. I still have quite a ways to go... Oh Jesus please help me get home and to a gas station... oh Jesus please help me get home and to a gas station. At that very moment... the traffic stops on the interstate because of construction.

NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I was sure my goose was cooked at that point... but it let up and I got to my exit... I got to my neighborhood... I got to my street... I got to my parking lot.... I got my wallet... I got back in my car and went to the NEAREST gas station. My tank is a 14 gallon tank. I put 15.252 gallons of gas in my car. Thus leading me to conclude that this is what my car looked like:

Well... I FINALLY made it to Atlanta... what should have been a 3 hour trip took 5. I got there and saw Mr. B for about 10 minutes, then finally pulled up to Kat's house. I was so glad to see her... and that LOVELY guest bed.

Thursday morning I woke up and was excited to see I'd made it to another Thanksgiving!! At my age, you know, nothing is a guarantee. Kat's kitchen was a bee-hive of activity. She put me to WORK.... Here I am making pudding!!

Kat's Mom had gotten some really beautiful floral arrangements. We had to keep them hidden though, because the kitties liked them JUST a little TOO much!!

After slaving away all day, and watching kitties try to break into the oven to eat the turkey, it was time to eat. There were 11 of us. Kat & Mr. Kat, Kat's girls, Kat's mom, Kat's brother, Kat's brother's roommate, and Kat's Long Lost Cousin & Husband. We all stood in the living room, ready to thank the Lord for this meal. Kat suggested one of her daughters pray. Much... discussion followed:

In the end Kat asked me to pray and I was more than glad to because I was HUNGRY.

ALL the food was WONDERFUL. Despite her assertions that we were not going to have a traditional Thanksgiving meal, we had a traditional Thanksgiving meal.

And that thing with the wing... it's a turkey. I know.. it looks WAY too much like a Vikings helmet.

Kat, Mr. Kat, Long Lost Relatives (From now on known as Mr. LLR & Mrs. LLR) and I sat down at the table together. Mr & Mrs LLR talked... incessantly. They just moved, corruption, coffee cans with contraband in them, pain, daughters, scrap booking... and a whole bunch of stuff I just tuned out at some point. Here's Mr. LLR and his noise pollution:

Mrs. LLR has some... issues... she seemed either physically incapacitated or drunk. Whichever it was this picture doesn't do justice of her hair flipping (she NEEDS bangs) and facial... covering...when she talked.

Kat, Mr. Kat and I were on seconds for the Family LLR was even through their first servings because of their yapping. After the meal poor Kat's mom got trapped on the couch with Mrs. LLR who was going on about all things... crafty.... poor Kat's mom.

Because I work for lunatics, I had to head home Thursday night so I could go to work Friday for 5 hours. It was a nice night for a drive. I had my wallet.

I went to work Friday. The phone rang 3 times. 2 times it was people I work with telling me they decided not to work that day after all.

The office closed at 1, and I headed back to Atlanta. Again, I had my wallet. Mr. B and I met to do some shopping and then had a LOVELY picnic supper in the rain... don't worry, we were under some covering so we didn't get wet. We had a really good talk, and some REALLY good kissing... *sigh*... then I headed on to Kat's.

Later that night Kat, Mr. Kat and I went to a local watering hole for some trivia!! I got to meet some of Kat's friends. They were SUPER DUPER cool and NEATO and FUN!!! We had a great time. We didn't win. Damn Tettrizini. Here we all are gathered around the table.

We headed home and I crawled into that WONDERFUL bed... I called Mr. B before I went to sleep and said something about how I can't ever sleep past 8. Um... yeah... I woke up after 10. If you are EVER in Atlanta and need a NICE place to sleep, I HIGHLY recommend the larger of Kat's 3 guest beds... it's wonderfully comfortable and the covers are cozy!!!

When I finally got my lazy arse out of bed, Kat and I headed out to do some shopping. First we went to have MEXICAN food... it was NUMMY. The conversation was STIMULATING!!!

Then we got to the shopping. Now, I know Kat's daughter follows my blog, so that's about all I have to say about that. But here's a picture of Kat... shopping.

THEN we went over to Target. WHICH was a madhouse! There were NO carts. NONE... it was cut throat carting. You had to wait for people to get finished in line and then hope they weren't going to use the cart to carry their single purchase of a preemie onsie out to the car. Well. I got a cart. Kat was then in the area waiting for this next cart, and made eye contact with a guy coming from the registers, when this BEOTCH swoops in and takes the cart!!! Kat was going to kung foo chop her.... see... (I like a good action shot)

Now... here's where you all get jealous. Mr. B met us at Target. Yes. Kat has met Mr. B. In fact Kat got to witness Mr. B sneaking up on my from behind. Which I still don't understand how that worked since I was watching the door. But here's a picture of it:

We headed back to Kat's and had some nummy leftovers for supper. Kat's girls were just GIGGLY pusses to be sure... I have never seen 2 sibling crack each other up like they do....

Mr. B and I went out that night - we went to an old Monster Movie - there's this awesome place in Atlanta that does old monster movies with a floor show beforehand. SOOOO funny. We saw "The Creeping Eye"....

Sunday morning I headed out... up to Knoxville to get the girls... it rained the WHOLE WAY THERE.....

Because of the holiday traffic it took 7 hours to drive home... by the time we walked in the door I was BEAT. Then I realized.... I was OL... mother hubbard.... I had pickles and milk and condiments. Were I pregnant, i would have been in luck....

So I dragged my sorry butt to the store, loaded up on a couple items, came home... and crashed on the couch.

Thus ending my lovely, wild, Thanksgiving weekend.

I Lied

I know... I said i'd recap Thanksgiving today. But I can't.. I'm exhausted. Today I:

Baked a cake at midnight:

Set it out to cool around 1 am:

Went to sleep around 1
Woke up at 4, nervous I would oversleep.
Woke up at fifteen minute intervals
Got up at 6
Met Gert's teacher for conferences at 7
Ran into Essie's teacher. He said it was okay to bring snacks for her birthday.
Ran to store to get cookies
Went back to school
Came home.
Made frosting
Started decorating cake:

Stopped half way through to go to Lawyer.
Get papers notarized
Go to courthouse
Get file number and signatures
Am all ready to send summons and other stuff to soon-to-be-ex
Drive to girls school
Pick up girls
Stop at home to clean
Take Gert to dentist.
5 cavities (she has her dad's teeth.. they rot easily)... they tell me they want to put SILVER crowns on them... they say they call them princess teeth... i tell her I think they're ghetto teeth.
Go back home
Meet soon-to-be-ex at home
Finish decorating cake:

Take girls to mall with soon-to-be-ex.
Essie uses build-a-bear gift certificate:

We wandered the mall looking for some stuff.
Ate (realized that was my first food today)
Came home
Ate cake
Soon-to-be-ex left
Girls played with new toys while I cleaned the kitchen.
And here we are. And I'm going to bed now... I'm sorry....

A Decade of Delicious Drama

Dear Miss Essie,

10 years ago today you changed my life forever. You made me a mom.

At first you weren't too sure about the idea:

But what girls doesn't want her first outfit in life to be Camo?:

But see... then Mommy started picking out your clothes and.. okay, you don't
really look happier, but you DO look cuter!!!!

See!! Finally that smile!!

If only I had known how telling this picture would be. You in all your stuff animals... if you did that today they would drown you. It's SAFE to say stuffed animals are by FAR your favorite thing.

Look at you... driving your first 'Vette!! Gosh... I just realized we're closer to you getting your drivers license than we are to when to when this picture was taken.

Such a proud fisher-girl!! I wish I had a picture of the bass you caught!!

You've been a dress up girl for forever... of course I see visions of the future here. You used to tell me you were never getting married. I've noticed lately you're starting to change your tune.

I know your sister drives you crazy. But take time to cherish her. You are such a good big sister when you want to be... and she just adores you.

You do love her, you know.

Here's your first day of school. We sure didn't know what kind of a roller coaster school would be for you. I KNOW it's hard, but I also know you are SOOOOOOOO smart, and you can DO IT!! I believe in you Baby!!!!

You have such a great sense of humor. You're quirky and understand sarcasm better than most adults I know. I LOVE your view of the world.

Oh Essie... yes... hands down one of my all time favorite pictures of you....

You're changing so much... inside and out... you are truly beautiful. Your inner beauty shows in the glow on your face. I know you don't believe me sometimes... but you ARE beautiful - in ALL the ways that matter.

We don't always see eye to eye, do we sweetie? So often I wish I could say yes when I have to say no. I hope you realize someday that I'm always trying to do what's best for you... what will best help you grow into a successful adult.

Here you are sweetie... this picture is so you.. the drama... the laughter... the over the top. I don't know what the world holds for you my sweet girl. But I know 2 things for sure. Jesus, who lives in your heart, loves you far more than I ever can. He wants the best for you, and I pray that you'll open your heart to whatever that is. The second thing I know for sure is that I LOVE YOU. I love the little girl you were, and I love the young lady you are becoming. It is an HONOR to be your mom. I Love You. Thank you for making me a mom.

Happy Birthday!

(The purple font color today is in honor of Essie... since it's her favorite color. And for the Minnesota Vikings who are leading their division.. ha ha)
______________________________

I know... I added a song. I promise I won't always have one... but this is Essie's and my song....

The One with the Chest Cold....

My thanksgiving was great! I shall post Wendesday all about my Thanksgiving. Tomorrow SITS is having a big Christmas day, but I'm not sure I'll be participating cause tomorrow is an even MORE important day in my family.

I'm not feeling well... I have a chest cold and it's wiped me out. I was just holding my phone and it felt heavy... and I just really want to put my head down on my desk and sleep. That would be okay, right???

I figured out what I'm getting Mr. B for Christmas... but I can't tell you here, because he reads my blog.

This is boring isn't it?

What do you get when you cross a vampire & a snow man? Frost bite.