A Decade of Delicious Drama

Dear Miss Essie,

10 years ago today you changed my life forever. You made me a mom.

At first you weren't too sure about the idea:

But what girls doesn't want her first outfit in life to be Camo?:

But see... then Mommy started picking out your clothes and.. okay, you don't
really look happier, but you DO look cuter!!!!

See!! Finally that smile!!

If only I had known how telling this picture would be. You in all your stuff animals... if you did that today they would drown you. It's SAFE to say stuffed animals are by FAR your favorite thing.

Look at you... driving your first 'Vette!! Gosh... I just realized we're closer to you getting your drivers license than we are to when to when this picture was taken.

Such a proud fisher-girl!! I wish I had a picture of the bass you caught!!

You've been a dress up girl for forever... of course I see visions of the future here. You used to tell me you were never getting married. I've noticed lately you're starting to change your tune.

I know your sister drives you crazy. But take time to cherish her. You are such a good big sister when you want to be... and she just adores you.

You do love her, you know.

Here's your first day of school. We sure didn't know what kind of a roller coaster school would be for you. I KNOW it's hard, but I also know you are SOOOOOOOO smart, and you can DO IT!! I believe in you Baby!!!!

You have such a great sense of humor. You're quirky and understand sarcasm better than most adults I know. I LOVE your view of the world.

Oh Essie... yes... hands down one of my all time favorite pictures of you....

You're changing so much... inside and out... you are truly beautiful. Your inner beauty shows in the glow on your face. I know you don't believe me sometimes... but you ARE beautiful - in ALL the ways that matter.

We don't always see eye to eye, do we sweetie? So often I wish I could say yes when I have to say no. I hope you realize someday that I'm always trying to do what's best for you... what will best help you grow into a successful adult.

Here you are sweetie... this picture is so you.. the drama... the laughter... the over the top. I don't know what the world holds for you my sweet girl. But I know 2 things for sure. Jesus, who lives in your heart, loves you far more than I ever can. He wants the best for you, and I pray that you'll open your heart to whatever that is. The second thing I know for sure is that I LOVE YOU. I love the little girl you were, and I love the young lady you are becoming. It is an HONOR to be your mom. I Love You. Thank you for making me a mom.

Happy Birthday!

(The purple font color today is in honor of Essie... since it's her favorite color. And for the Minnesota Vikings who are leading their division.. ha ha)
______________________________

I know... I added a song. I promise I won't always have one... but this is Essie's and my song....

Friday Foto Fiesta Fun (or something like that)

This is my all time favorite professional picture of Essie. I believe she had just turned 3. I love her little button nose and her pretty hair... and the outfit.. I'll have to find a picture of the whole outfit because it was SO cute... yes.. there was plaid!!!!!

Wanna find more Friday fun - check Carrie out!!!!

Whore-Moans....

For some reason that title just cracked me up... and yes, it's highly inappropriate but... I don't care.

First of all, Jaci presented a theory yesterday that I had thought about too... you know how women who work or live together emit some hormone that makes them all get their period at the same time? She proposes that the same thing can happen in the cyber world, and I'm going to have to agree with her. It seems like all of us are hitting PMS at pretty much the same moment.

It's the sisterhood baby. The Sisterhood.

And speaking of it... Essie is about to join it I do believe. She's about as hormonal as can be right now and this morning when she was getting dressed (so glad she doesn't read this because she would beat me silly) I noticed... hair.... there.....

Um... how is this possible? She's my baby... she's just a little girl.... and now we're on the cusp of... not being a little girl anymore.

I gently said something this morning to her about thinking her period would come soon. That was met with tears and gnashing of teeth and wailing at the torture of being a girl and not wanting to BE one anymore.

So... as we enter this whole new world of emotions and zits and tampons, I would just like to take a moment to shout out a big DANG IT WOMAN WHAT WERE YOU THINKING to Eve... it's all her fault you know.

Fx4 -

Haven't done this in a while.... here's one of my dad and Essie, when Essie was about 4. She's such a Grandpa's Girl - and he just loves her to death....

Join in the 4 Friday Fun over with Carrie!!!

Of Little/Great Importance

Check out The Scholastic Scribe - she's go the latest Lizzy interview - and you'll want to read it because it makes a VERY important announcement.

I don't often say much about my STBX around here... I'm trying really hard to be civil with him for the good of the girls. But I've been pushed to my ever lovin' edge. First, as I was driving Saturday morning to take the girls to him, I called to tell him I'd be a little late. He said he had just been talking to his friend, and I ask what Friend was up to today. "Oh, he's out hunting... where I'm supposed to be today. But it's okay, I need to do this." OH I AM SO SORRY!!! Did seeing your CHILDREN for the first time in almost a MONTH mean that you had to miss HUNTING which you can do EVERY SINGLE MOTHER LOVING DAY?????????

Then

Last night I pick them up. The girls were in my car and he and I were talking. He said that he and Essie got into it a few times, and finally told her "Look your mom and I aren't divorced yet, only separated. I'm not sure what's going on (meaning I haven't filed for divorce yet because I'm trying to do it for free through legal aid and I'm on a waiting list) but maybe she's waiting for you and I to get along and then we can all be back together." EXCUSE ME???? WE ARE NOT getting back together, and NOW you have just put 6 tons of EXPECTATION on a 9-year-old for something that IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN.

THEN

He said that he had taken them by his work. Gert walks right up to one of his co-workers and says "Hi, my name is Gert, what's your name." Essie hangs back... doesn't really say much. SO AW (Butt Wipe) says "This one (pointing to Gert) would make friends with a lamp post. That one (pointing at Essie) has a hard time making friends." YES SHE DOES AND SHE'S UPSET ABOUT THAT CONSTANTLY BUT THANK YOU FOR ADVERTISING IT FOR HER YOU FS.

THEN

This morning Essie informs me that her Dad said that every time he sees me, I have new clothes, but Essie is dressed in old stuff... "basically rags" were her words. I DO NOT HAVE NEW CLOTHES. The clothes I have were bought for me BY MY mom & step mom and RIGHT NOW I don't even have enough professional clothes to get me through a WEEK of WORK. I have bought Essie NUMEROUS articles of clothing that she WILL NOT WEAR because she has extremely sensitive skin and pretty much can't stand the feel of anything on her, PLUS she's now out grown kids sizes and it is REALLY hard to find anything in misses sizes that she will wear.

SO.... I'm calling Legal Aid today, and if I'm not on the top of their waiting list, I'm calling a lawyer. I don't know how in the skee-doodle I'll afford it, but this has got to be done. NOW.

And my dad e-mailed... My Aunt Mary fell and broke her hip. She has Parkinson's... it's not good.

I think I'll move to Australia.

Essie & Gert's School Pics!!!

Come to Jesus

"Do you have Jesus?"

"Can you please get Jesus out of the bathroom?"

"I think you left Jesus in the nap room."

"If you spin Jesus like that his arms are going to fall off."

"Please don't drag Jesus on the floor."

"Jesus has a crusty spot on him. Did you spill ice cream?"

"Do you have Jesus? You know you can't sleep without him."

"I'm sorry you forgot Jesus, but we just don't have time to go back and get him."



















Meet Essie's Friend:

Jesus... (as in Christ... not as in Hey-sus)

Saturday Randomocity

You've Got To Be Kidding Me - By the time the next president wins the election in, he will have raised enough money (and presumably spent most of it) to sponsor 130,208 Compassion kids for ten years. That's just one candidate.

Fool Me Once - At what point in Jesus' first 30 years, when nothing much had yet "happened", do you think Mary might have thought this was all one big joke?

Old Essie Story - I picked up Essie from school today, and in her folder it there was a page of things to remember and at the bottom it said "We did it!!!!!" I asked what they did. She said (without skipping a beat) "well, we didn't get arrested because if we did, I wouldn't be here right now."

Where does she come up with this stuff?

Oh - and the answer to the question is that they did enough good citizen things the last two weeks to get donuts tomorrow.

Old Gert Story - This is what she told her daycare mom today...

"Miss Kim, I don't want to be an octogon when I grow up. I want to be a teacher."

One Year Ago -

I know, good bloggers don't say "Random" but.. this one is....

Sometimes my fingers forget which keyboard I'm on, and try to use the mouse-button-in-the-middle-of-the-keyboard that is on my laptop when I'm on my desktop. It usually take a couple seconds for my brain to register that nothing is happening.

Kj, if she weren't so tender and sweet, has the tools to be the WORLDS greatest con. I know no ADULTS who are able to read people so well... able to find exactly what buttons to push... know what makes someone tick... and it's not just me who sees it in her. She may not get math, but if there was a class in people reading, that child would ACE it every time. It's her greatest strength, but she needs to learn to use her powers for good.

Ka is at her dad's right now. The neighbors across the street ADORE her. If Ka sees them out on their porch, she'll ask her dad if she can go over and see them. And she does, and just sits and talks. I would LOVE to know about what, but she's over there for hours! Well, yesterday the people across the street bought Ka a bike, a helmet, knee pads, elbow pads - and today are going back to get her a basket and tassels for her handlebars and decorations for the wheels. Oh my WORD they spoil her - and part of my heart breaks because I can't - and part of me is just SO grateful that someone can, and does.

A very dear friend is at the beginning of the end of a realtionship. It needs to happen, but I hate seeing them have to go through it. I wish there was more I could do.

Sometimes I am so selfish I can't even stand myself. The last couple days I have been... well... I've been a bitch. And it's got to stop - NOW. I've been reading a lot of blogs (I literaly have NOTHING to do at work today) and compared to the loss of a loved one, my problems aren't ANYTHING. So, attitude adjustment here I am. Though... it does bring up the internal debate about being honest about ones feelings. I get tempted to just put on that "happy face" but putting it on sometimes makes me more unhappy because I'm not being real. But then there's the whole "fake it till you make it" school of thought... Oh crud.. I'm just gonna be me - and focus on the positives.

I'm wearing one of my favorite jackets today - it's linen and it has red and pink and orange floral/paisley design. I got it for $1.98 last summer. At a real store - not goodwill or anything. I love this jacket.

My boss at work sells Mary Kay. Since the girls are gone, she wanted to know if I want to do a facial. I figured heck, all I do is go home and hang out by myself so yeah, I'll get a facial. We had a BLAST... oh my gosh we laughed so hard. She of course gave me the shpeil (how DO you spell that?) about selling Mary Kay. So... here's my thoughts. #1 - I NEED to make some extra money, but any full time job I would find now I would have to stop once the girls are home. Doing Mary Kay would be much more flexible. #2 - As opposed to other things one might sell (candles, stamps, scrapbook supplies) even in a downturning economy, women are STILL going to buy makeup. #3 - This would be a great way to get to meet some people and make some friends. And #4 - now this one is a little weird. Back before I lost weight, I didn't really ever wear makeup... I didn't wear jewelry... I wore mostly navy blue or black and did pretty much anything to just blend in. Now that I'm feeling better about myself, I have started wearing makeup and all those aforementioned things... and I feel like maybe this is a good fit... that maybe I can help some other people like me start to feel good about themselves? Am I whacked?? Any thoughts or opinions????

That's all the rambling for now... there may be more later.. I'm really bored.

My baby leaves for California tomorrow...

Putting a 9-year-old on a plane alone for a 4 hour plane flight is quite disconcerting for a mom. I know she'll be fine, but believe you me my heart will be thumping a little more than usual until I get that phone call from Grandma & Grandpa telling me they've got her!

I got talk to Kj on the webcam last night. She kept doing these "close ups" and it was cracking me up... and you know what else I realized? My girls have AMAZING eyes. Kj's are so beautiful... they aren't brown but they're not hazel and yet not green - I guess they're closest to brown as anything but whatever they are I ADORE. They are so expressive and sweet. She shows so much love with her eyes.... And the freckles on her pretty nose... and her amazing lips. Anglina Jolie WISHES she had Kj's lips. Sigh... I'm gonna miss that girl. (Kj... not Angelina Jolie) But I know she'll have an incredible time in San Diego and get some good time with her Grandma & Grandpa & Aunt Sarah....

Did you feel it?

The girls are at their dad's for 11 days. I'm looking foward to doing some cleaning and organizing and reading and watching what I want on tv and working out in the evening and maybe even hitting the parkway at night... Those are good things. The quiet is kind of a good thing... Not having to wake up Cranky & Grumpy is a VERY good thing. Not getting a kiss goodbye in the morning - NOT a good thing. Kjersten will be home for less then 12 hours between when she gets back from her dad's and when she leaves for California. I'm so glad she gets to go, but I'm going to miss her tremendously.

Now - for the reason behind the title - I called over there this morning to say good morning to the girls (Ka was still asleep). Kj was.... DOING THE DISHES FOR GRANNY!!! Did you feel the earth move?? I just about fell over. WOW!! Good work Kj!!!!

Kjn got her report card yesterday. North Carolina uses letter grades in elementary school, whereas Minnesota uses S, NS, E... and some other stuff I was never very fond of. Well, Kj got 3 C's and 2 B's. The C's were in reading, writing and rithmatic basically :) The b's were in Social Studies and Science. Honestly, I'm VERY proud of her. She switched states, schools, homes etc towards the end of the school year and landed in a school that was MUCH more advanced than the one she came from. She's worked her BUTT off to catch up AND try to fit in. I'm INCREDIBLY proud of her. (Are you getting the idea that I'm proud of her)

Ka... Ka Ka Ka Ka... last night we were looking for something she wanted to take to her dads. I was looking and I said "I KNOW it's around here somewhere! It's gotta be right under my nose and I'm just not seeing it." Ka turns to me and says "Well mommy - you do have yellow hair." Yes, ladies and gentlemen, that's right, I was the victim of a 5-year-olds blonde joke... Heaven help me.