American Idol... The "Top Downloads"... whatever that Means.

Ok... first of all I have to tell you that later in this post I will reveal something to you that TOTALLY cracked me up... but you'll have to wait for it.

The judges come out... Simon overtly hits on Ryan.

The Kids come out and... they've done something to Scott's hair... it's better.. but... worse.

They take a field trip (hmm.. do the underage kids - Allison - have to have a note from her parents to go?) to see Ryan record American Top 40. Another thing to call this is... Filler.

"Top Downloads" is the theme... which is about as nebulous as "Top 40 Hits"...

Anoop is first with some Usher song that I never caught the title of. Honestly I think I've heard Usher all of twice so... I'm not much help there. He's very sleek tonight - sleek hair, sleek jacket with one chain around an arm, sleek pants... and the song was... all over the place. I don't have a reference point for what it "should" sound like, but I can't imagine it would be a top download if it sounded ANYTHING like that. The judges weren't wild about it. Kara agrees with my past assessment that he seems a lot like a Frat boy when he goes into that kind of song. Hmm... not a fan tonight Anoop. Oh... and Anoop disagrees with them, and says "I mean, you know, her opinion is her opinion and all their opinions are their opinions".... yeah... I got dizzy too.

Does anyone else do dumb things like sit and watch commercials when you're watching a recorded program? Or is that just a blonde thing?

Megan is next - singing Turn Your Lights Down Low - and in her interview she's wearing overalls and a late turtleneck? And for the performance... jeans and a corset top and a good 43 pounds of necklaces. Friends... this girl has NO rhythm... AT ALL... NONE.... and she looks just spastic. And beautiful. Seriously... BEAUTIFUL girl... but just... I'm not feeling her. And neither are the judges. And all the audience does is boo and it's ANNOYING. OH - and the song had like 3 words... over and over and over.. and over. Paula wants her sitting on a stool... mostly to keep her from looking stupid (she didn't say that... that's my interpretation)

Danny is singing What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flats. Hmmm... I like this song. Ok.. it seems like he's running out of breath on the verse... but I like this better than watching him strain. But this is going to make me sad... thinking about his wife... and what this song must mean to him. Hmmm.. it was good. Sweet. He looks a little emotional. Paula loved it. Simon says it was his best performance so far. He even CLAPPED for him. WOW. The rest of the judges agree.

Allison is singing Don't Speak by No Doubt - hmm.. top download? Really?? It's a great song but from way before the itunes era. She's gonna play her guitar. She comes out... with her guitar... and an outfit that will NO DOUBT (ha ha ha) be on one of those "top American Idol Wardrobe Missteps" articles in a magazine at some point. Hmm.. she does a nice job of singing WAY to hard. No wonder her voice sounds like she's 46 and smokes 2 packs a day. I REALLY REALLY want to hear a soft ballad thing from her. She's proven the rocker chick thing. Let's see if you can do anything else. Randy likes her but doesn't get the outfit. The audience boo's Kara for saying she's a good singing. Yep.. I'm confused. And Simon says she shouted the song.. AND HE"s RIGHT AS USUAL.

Scott's doing a little Billy Joel - I Love You Just the Way You Are - just him and his piano. He's got... much more of a hair do than just the wild curly top thing. It's slicked back on the sides and.. controlled on top. Hmmm.. vocally... probably my favorite performances of his so far.. but still pretty "Easy Listening"... but well done Easy Listening. Kara thinks it was a good song choice. Paula liked it. Simon... well Simon must be sipping the happy juice because now this was Scott's best performance so far.

Matt is going to sing a little something from The Fray - You Found Me. Well, I've heard of the Fray, but I don't know that I know this song. Hm... they've got him out in the middle of the crowd. His lower notes seem to go flat and it's not half as energizing as what he did last week. And you know what I'm realizing about contemporary songs? They are the same line over and over and over and over and over... my WORD.. have we lost all originality. Back to Matt... Paula wasn't sold, Simon wasn't either. Matt.. doesn't take criticism well. He acts like a little petulant child. grrr...

Lil is singing I Surrender by Celine Dion. Hm.. I don't know this song either. Can Celine Dion REALLY be a top download?? Ok... here's the deal. I'm not a skinny girl.. at all... I've got junk in my trunk... as does Lil.. but someones gotta get girlfriend some spanxs or something.. cause I don't WANNA see her panty line in her dress that's too tight. As for the singing (OH MY GOD THE BACKUP SINGERS ARE SO FLAT IT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY)... It's... sung nicely.. but...kinda boring? AWWW - her kids are in the audience... awwww. And they have PLAID SHORTS ON!!!! Again they don't like her song choice and want to hear someone else's song. Kara wants to be wowed. Awww - her one little girl goes over to Randy and just hugs him for dear life!.... what a CUTIE!!!

Ok... here's the funny story.

I had a dream last night. I was at home and my phone rang. It was Adam Lambert. Calling to ask me to be his spiritual advisor. He says the song he's thinking of singing that night is "Jesus Christ, Superstar" and wants to know if he should or not. And I passionately tell him that when he sings from his heart people love it. But when he over performs, people think he is the devil"... and then I woke up. Weird.

Adam's up... singing "Play That Funky Music White Boy"... well, as his spiritual advisor I wouldn't have necessarily picked that one, but well see. Hmmm.. interesting.. the up-tempo, swagger filled (and for some reason doing some weird bendy knee thing) Adam is back, but the eyeliner and black nail polish aren't. I much prefer this. And the hair is slicked back again... He of course sings the song well. Though... it was just a lot of "AAAEEEEEE... AEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE". I still like last week best for him and probably always will, but this wasn't bad. It certainly wasn't the torture that Ring of Fire was. Paula goes first and says "True Genius does not fulfill expectations, True Genius shatters them." SERIOUSLY when did this girl get so coherent! Thank you Paula. Thank you for Just Saying No. Adam gives props to the band, which is cool. Good on ya boy.

And in the Pimp Spot tonight is... my boy Kris. Singing "Ain't No Sunshine"...hmm.. old song.. made new. Tonight he's gonna do a little piano for us. I SO appreciate people who can sing and play instruments. So it's Kris, a keyboard and some string players. VERY nice. Hmm.. methinks someone has said something about the singing out of the side of his mouth, because I'm not seeing it as much now... just once in a while. Hmmm.. OH - he got KARA standing up... usually it's just Paula. He rocks out the middle of it, and then ends it softly. DANG this boy amazes me. He's so natural and effortless. So himself. Ok. I'm gonna officially call myself a Kris fan. He's my choice for who I want to win. He won't win (Adam will) but that's Okay because then Kris can be free to do what he wants and will be amazing. The judges all adored him. Paula calls it his best performance to date. Simon says he found the confidence he wanted to see and liked the arrangement of the song. SERIOUSLY.. what is IN Simon's cup???




I believe I'm going to send a letter to the President, imploring him that since he's already cleaning various houses, can he PLEASE get rid of the Idol Backup Singers? Or the sound guy? Or whomever is responsible for them sounding HORRIBLE!!!

Who's going home? Well, I would say Megan but votefortheworst.com has gotten on her bandwagon so that's gonna keep her going for a while. I'm gonna guess we'll be saying goodnight to Scott tomorrow. I'm gonna guess Lil will be in the bottom three... though perhaps not. Yeah.. it's late and I can't decide anything without Eenie Meanie....

American Idol for REAL this time

It's Motown night. The kids (minus Michael) head to Detroit tonight. They visit where the Motown sound originated and meet Barry Gordy and Smokey Robinson.

So let's get down to the singing.

Oh (btw - Ryan has a suit on and he looks nice tonight)

Matt's up first - Singing "Let's Get It On" - a lot of websites are going on and on about the zit on Matt's forehead, which is CLEARLY a mole. SO people need to leave it alone. Matt's playing the piano and has a blue shirt, gray tie and blue cardigan (not having gotten the previous nights lavender memo).... and singing well... and then he gets up from behind the piano (good call - Paula should like that). Oh my... well... those pants don't leave much for the imagination! He's commanding the stage well and working it. And I gotta tell you, he's singing on key but his backup singers sound HORRIBLE. The judges... all like it. And no one says anything completely off the wall so we'll move on to....

Kris is singing "How Sweet It Is" - singing and playing guitar. Smokey likes his version. Kris hits the stage wearing.. some sort of military shirt with a whole lot of numbers on it and stuff... I don't get it but he's cute and turns in a solid performance. Very well done. Cara says it was artistic - it was Kris doing his own version. Simon wants him to believe in himself and swagger and stuff. SO... act like Simon I guess.

Scott is up next and I'm sorry, but some mean person has put this man in pink pants... really? Pink?? Oh... wow. So he's singing "You Can't Hurry Love"... and I'm worried this is going to be another Easy Listening Favorite. Ok... he starts out slow and then picks up the tempo. But I'm not wild about the arrangement. Very... piano bar. Paula thought he brought something different and then throws around some technical terms which make her sound pseudo intelligent. Simon REALLY didn't like it. Simon called it cheap and I kind of agree. Randy agrees with Simon and me. Cara liked the tempo but didn't like taking the liberties with the melody. Ahh - apparently they didn't tell Scott his pants were pink until 10 minutes before the show and he apologizes. Thank you Scott. You need to whap whoever dressed you with your cane.

Megan is singing "For Once In My Life". Can I just say... I love tattoos. I do think they're cool, but Megan's drives me NUTS., it makes her look off balance. She's got a little turquoise dress on and a flower in her hair, and a necklace that looks like a toddler day care classes was working on stringing things. And... she's shouting the song and it's both too low and too high for her. And she still seems SO awkward on stage. Ugh. It just wasn't that good. And Randy has made love for her and likes the outfit but not the song. Cara agrees. (Paula and Simon I think are playing footsie or some other inappropriate game). Paula thinks she's stunning but agrees about the song. Simon says Oh Dear and echo's everyone else's sentiments.

Anoop is performing "Oh Baby Baby"... He starts sitting on the stairs. He's got a tie and a shirt and a varsity jacket on... He's in his falsetto and it's a little on the weak side, but when he's in his regular range he's doing a great job. Very emotion-filled. Sweet and tender. Cara says it's hard to sing and agrees that his falsetto was a little weak but overall he did a good job. Paula wants more confidence but loved it. Simon says it was vocally great but he looked like he was falling asleep. Randy says he wants the party on but that worries me because that's when Anoop becomes Frat Boy Anoop and that's not good.

Michael ALMOST has a lavender shirt on.. but I think it's pink but it's CLOSE to lavender. Michael was sick and didn't go to Detroit and whatever, just sing whatever you're singing. Which is... "Ain't To Proud To Beg" (HA HA - The first time I typed "Aint' To Proud to Bed"... which makes it a totally different song)... Smokey tells him not to make it too sweet. Hmm... I really want to like Michael, and he's a cute teddy bear, but I'm just not feeling the singing. It's not that it's bad or good. It's just... there. Oh no.. it ends badly. Just... bad. Bad note. Paula wasn't wild about it,

(CAN WE JUST TAKE A MOMENT - you, in the studio audience - please STOP BOOING every time a judge says something "negative"... they're trying to be HELPFUL and it's ANNOYING when you boo)

Simon couldn't wait for it to end - it was all screaming and shouting. Randy didn't think he had the stuff to pull off an R&B thing.

Lil's singing "Heat Wave" - the trip to Motown REALLY struck something with her... which is totally cool... But now how will the singing go? ACK!!!! SHE'S MOVING AROUND THE STAGE!!! Thank you LIL!!!! And she's got fringe on - and that's FUN to draw!!! I'm enjoying this - her voice is nice (maybe a little shouty but...) and it just fits her. I'm not a big Lil fan but I liked it. Randy didn't like the front of the song and she was rushing (he might be right there). Cara gives the kiss of death (complimenting the looks first) and didn't think it was the right song choice. Paula disagrees and thought it was fresh. Simon thought it was an authentic tribute, but didn't think it was the right song choice. He wanted her to have a "moment."

Ok.. it's Adam. Singing "Tracks of My Tears"... Adam's going slow and tender. Did I just write that? Adam, Slow, and Tender... in once sentence?? Jesus? Are you coming now??? Holy... crud... he's got his hair slicked back and the nail polish is gone... and there's no eyeliner, and he's got a black shirt and light gray suit on - and just a guitar and bass (as in upright) as accompaniment. He's singing it mostly in falsetto... but it's amazing. I LIKE this Adam. I'm still convinced he's not Adam playing the role of "sensitive singer" but I don't care... I LIKED THIS A LOT. OOO - Smokey gives him a standing O. LOL- my phone just rang, Kat wants to know how I'm gonna draw that!!! Cara says it's one of the best of the night. Paula says she likes his clean look and no nail polish and says it's an element of surprise and she likes it. Simon says it is THE best performance of the night. Randy says it was tender and hot. Wow... I may need to pause it for a moment to collect my thoughts.

Danny - "Get Ready" He leaves off the ends of the verses to have the backup singers sing it. Smokey tells him not to. But he does. Nice... smack the Legend upside the back of the head and tell him off. Grrrr... Um... he sings it okay... growly and loud. Do people not know how to be loud but yet controlling?? YOu don't have to scream. Paula liked it, Simon called it clumsy and amateurish. Randy loved the energy but said it wasn't the best. Cara thought it was good, not great. I gotta say... I'm not wild about it. Oh - Danny had on a black shirt and black jeans... eh.

Allison is finishing the night with "Daddy Was a Rolling Stone" - Allison is wearing parts of several outfits - lace leggings, tight blue mini-dress with lots of chains and then a white bolero jacket. She sings the heck of the song and you would think. Actually she's one who can be loud but still musical. She really hit it. Randy says she's dope. Cara can't believe she was in the bottom 3 last week. (Olivia Newton John is in the audience). Simon has drawn a mustache on Paula's face. But Paula likes the performance. Simon says she a survivor and it was one of her best performances (all this while having a total giggle fit - that Simon... he's a nut).

Ok... so... going home tomorrow? Michael. I know... I said that last week but I gotta think he was the weak link tonight.

American Idol... Well.... Not Really

Humph. It's Tuesday night. My Sharpies are ready and there's no American Idol... well, at least not the kind I want to watch. Instead it's another American...and an Idol to some... President Obama.

Well... dang it... I'm in the mood to review and draw so... I will. Mr. President, meet Lizzy and her Sharpies.

Ok... he's walking out. He has an interesting cadence to his walk. He's standing at a podium wearing a suit. I wonder how many suits he has? He's got a red tie on tonight. I remember when he got together with all the former Presidents... The Republicans had blue ties on and the Dem's had red... and President Obama had... blue. Whoops.

Apparently there's gonna be some kind of tax cut. That's gonna show up on my check on April 1. Which is good because my rent is going up.

President Obama gets a lot of flack about his use of teleprompters... and it appears tonight he's not using the standard ones beside the podium:

But rather one rolling text under the camera he's looking at.

There's the phrase invest... a lot.

SOmething about health care... and I heard Medicaid. And believe you me, talk to a parent with a child who gets medicaid and they can tell you all kinds of ways they could freaking revamp THAT system.

He said something about not spending but saving. Which... seems odd considering the size of the budget he's proposing... not a lot of saving.

We all need to be worried about the greater good... I think.

Okay - onto questions:

First is Jennifer Loven - She's got a nice suit on with a wide label and is in DESPERATE need of some conditioner. She asked about the regulation of the banking industry but it didn't seem to be wise with the troubles we've had in the past. The answer is that apparently AIG is different and... yeah... something... we don't have an FDIC for insurance companies. Um... there was a lot more but I get bored easily.

Next Up is Chuck Todd - I'm always intrigued by people who have a first name for a last name... I bet that gets so messed up when they do the last name first thing.... Anyways... Todd Comma Chuck is wearing a nice dark suit with a blue tie. He's got a kicky goatee and much better hair than Miss Loven. Chuck asks "Why haven't you asked for something specific for the public to sacrifice".... President Obama then... stutters a bit and says he's gonna answer in several parts. Hm... let's listen. I'll tell you if I think he answers. He thinks folks are sacrificing left and right. He's right there. I think Chuck's a little off on that question. Yeah for fast forward!!!

Ok - I've come up with a drinking game for when the President talks. If she says heath care, energy or education, one shot. If he says growth, 2 shots.

Chuck has a followup question and yeah... I think the President answered it. Move on Chuck.

Now we have Jake Tapper who has on a lavender shirt and lavender stripped tie. Nice Jake - different!! He asks if the President will sign a budget if it doesn't include a middle class tax cut? (And some other stuff.. but again... )

OOO - Health Care!! DRINK!!

ENERGY - 2 times - DRINK DRINK

Education!!! DRINK!!!!

Thanks for that question Jake!!!! I needed a little relaxing!

Energy!!! Drink!!! Energy AGAIN!!!! DRINK!!!!

Health Care, Energy, Education!!! DRINK DRINK DRINK.

Man... he keeps this up and I'll stimulate the economy all on my own just with alcohol sales!!!

Ok... Up next is Chip Reid. Chip is another dark suit and blue tie. He asked about the amount of the budget and isn't that contrary to what he's saying he wants to pass on to our children. Or something like that. Um.... GROWTH!!! 2 times. 3 times!!! Energy! Education!! Heath care!!! My bottle's almost GONE!!!

Can I be honest with you guys? I really wish any of this made sense to me. As a former presidential candidate it probably should, but it really... doesn't. It's confusing and... yeah.... I think I'd rather have the President sing something from Motown....

The President does a lot of gesturing with his right arm. And when you watch him on fast forward it's almost like he's doing a Hula.

Next up the President asks if Lourdes is there? Who??? Ok... she's a lady with a Spanish accent and asking about the problem with the violence in Mexico and it spilling over the border. She's wearing a LOVELY lavender jacket. (Sorry - the Lavender didn't show up well at all in scanning) LOL - he said something about "these drug cartels that have gotten completely out of hand"... because as long as they play nice we'll be happy to have them? Oh... I think not.

Now it's... Kevin's turn. Kevin is from Stars & Stripes. And he has a gray jacket with a lavender tie. Hmmm... I need to go check style.com and see if lavender is the new black. He asked about budget cuts in veteran's programs. The President says there's a whole host of issues that need to be looked at and that the savings should come from reforming the procurement system. Um... I'm lost. What are we procuring exactly? Military toilet paper or bombers?

Ed Henry, come on down!!!!! Well... no... not really... stay there and ask your question... with your fun red-stripped tie (Seriously - guys are at SUCH a disadvantage in work wear... suits suits suits... I wonder what Adam from AI would wear if he were a reporter???) Ed asks about the budget and aren't we going to just have a bigger debt with all this spending. And the President answers with a lot of health care answers which of course means that I'm just about under the table. I hope I can drink and draw... we'll see won't we???

Oh - Major Garrett - he's from Fox... I see him ALL the time... ALL day long. I think his name is really Homer. At any rate, Major has on a medium gray suit (actually TOTALLY matches the color of his hair) a light blue shirt (everyone else aforementioned was white unless specified lavender) and a yellow tie.... He asks about the global currency question and stuff and he says we all have to take steps to lift the economy.

And something squeeked.

And the President called Major "Garrett".... see... last names shouldn't be last names.

And the President doesn't see the need for a Global Currency.

Now it's Mike Allen - CRIMENY - what's with all these double first name guys??? Mike is balding with glasses, which I'm excited to draw, because these guys are getting BORING. Mike has a blue shirt and a green and pink stripped tie. Hm... who dressed Mike? MORE IMPORTANTLY there is some sort of sound guy behind Mike with a PLAID SHIRT ON!!!! He (Mike... not the guy with the plaid shirt) wants to know if the president is reconsidering his plan to cut interest rate deduction and does he regret proposing it. The President thinks it's the right thing to do and then said "Tax Policy" which is my cue to fast forward.

OOO - now I will TOTALLY stand behind the President in this. The question basically is that isn't it a bad idea to reduce the amount of a deduction that people get for charitable contributions because people will stop giving. Basically the President said "I'm hoping that when you're giving a contribution it's to help the guy down the street, not just get a tax deduction" AMEN!!!

Hasn't it been an hour yet???

It is Kevin Chappell's turn to ask a question now. He's got on a dark suit and a GOLD tie.. NICE. He's asking about the great number of children who are now homeless and what the President would say to them. The President says he needs to make sure the parents have a job. Which is true. But they have to be jobs that PAY something. $7.50 at MacDonald's don't cut it my friends.

Ok... to Ann Compton. She's wearing a red jacket and pearls and has a cute bob haircut. She asks if race has come into play at all in the last 64 days or has the last 64 days been a color-blind time (I SWEAR she said color-blonde). He says he thinks the last 64 days have been him trying to get the economy going.

Jon Ward - MORE GLASSES - Yeah!!! AND ANOTHER LAVENDER TIE!!! Did I not get the memo???? John wants to know about the Presidents thoughts about stem-cells and the morality and specifically that more progress has been made with adult stem cells than embryonic. Good question. HE answers that's a hard one and he does wrestle with it. He thinks his guidelines meet the test.

My little clock says we're at 52 minutes.... Surely we're almost done? Give me 2 hours of idol ANY night over this.

Stephen Collins - gray suit gray shirt, gray tie... some sort of European accent. Wondering about Israel. Seriously.... this conflict has been going on for a couple bajillion years. Let's not even pretend we're going to solve it, mmmkay?

I don't know that Stephen doesn't have legs... but I'm bored so I'm pretending.

WOOO HOO!!!! It's done!!!! Thank you Mr. President. It's time for Dancing With The Stars!!! Woz is SO going home.