So how many people start the New Year thinking "Oooo... I'll get back to blogging." And then about 3 posts later you never hear from them again.
There's an outside chance that will be me. One never knows.
But today... today my kids are back in school. Gert is home already, buckling down to getting her homework done. Essie should be home in less than an hour. Mr. B is picking up Bert and Ernie as we speak since it's our night to have them here. And my mom is still here. Busy house.
Loud house.
I got my library card last week. I can now get books, and so I did. Just finished one today - "History of a Suicide: My Sister's Unfinished Life" by Jill Bialosky. I thought, you know, I'd start the year on a light note. Ha.
The book is, as it seems, a story about the authors sister's life, and suicide, and her trying to make sense of it all. She used a lot of poetry and deep works of literature in her book, and maybe it was because of the subject, but I found myself quite sad that I've never really "gotten" poetry... at least not beyond really Dr. Suess. I've read quite a bit of poetry, but I never seem to gather much from it. Am I shallow? Am I a simpleton?
I picked the book because my life has been skimmed by suicide. In 1988 my step-mom's nephew, Tim, killed himself. He was 21, popular, cute, well-liked, revered, adored.... he came home from college on Christmas break, stole a radio from a car, got put in jail overnight, got out the next day (Christmas Eve) and Christmas morning his mom found him dead in the machine shed. What?
And then more recently. I got a phone call from Essie's school. The counselor needed me to come to school right away. I got there and Essie was in her office. The counselor said that Essie's art teacher had been concerned about some sketches Essie had done, and then over-heard a conversation Essie was having with a friend, talking about wanting to kill herself.
What?
Fortunately the counselor didn't think she was TOO serious, since her plan to kill herself was to drive over the edge of the Grand Canyon. But how could my beautiful baby not want to be here anymore. Why does 13 have to be so hard.
We went to see someone to have her evaluated, and she's not really considered "a danger to herself" but clearly my baby's heart is hurting. We've talked a lot. We've cried. We're still dealing.
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
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8 comments:
Big lump in my throat. Big sorry from my heart. I wish a child would never have to hurt. It just does not seem to be possible though. Praying for all of you as she sorts out her feelings.
HUGS to you & Essie!! 13 is such a tough age.
Teen years are so hard.
Thank God that there are people looking out for warning signs in kids, though. Life is hard, harder for some than others, and it's even harder to be the mom and watch your babies hurt.
Big hugs for you and for Essie. Keep those lines of communication open. You're a great momma, Lizzy.
Raising teenage girls is NOT easy! I pray that whatever she is dealing with gets much easier for her and YOU!
Lizzy, it's a presidential election year, so you can't stop blogging. You just CAN'T! Hope 2012 holds all you wish for, and more!!
I feel you on the blogging thing. My mind is all a jumble most days and I'm not there yet.
I'm keeping y'all in my prayers. It's so hard to be a teenage girl; regardless of all the wonderful traits you may possess. I hope Essie finds an easier way through the crap...and soon. :)
Unfortunately, young people are stressed about all sorts of things. You are right to be talking and surrounding her with love. Keep doing that. She needs the attention and the support and to KNOW how much you love her. I successfully made it past the teen years with my girl and you will too. My best to you.
I will keep you in my prayers! Hugs!
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