I guess it was about a year ago. Essie was home with me, Gert I believe was at my moms for the weekend. I was basking in a nice hot shower when Essie (who would have been 8) comes in, puts the toilet lid down, sits and says "Mom, why do girls bleed." I could tell this was not one of those moments to say "Because that's how God made them." Essie is developing pretty early and we're going to have to face all this sooner rather than later, and here was the perfect situation - we were TALKING but there was a shower curtain between us so there wasn't the uncomfortable eye contact. So, I took the bull by the horns and gave her a high level birds and the bees talk. I was a good mom. I was using the proper terms, keeping it simple but not dumbing it down.
Then, all of a sudden, little Essie gets up of the toilet, pushes the shower curtain back, and sits on the edge of the tub. So I've gone from relative comfort of having the shower curtain between us, to the utter DISCOMFORT of having the birds and the bees talk - NAKED.
ACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS WASN'T ANYWHERE IN THE BOOK
And it's not like I had any bootstraps I could pull myself up by!
BUT, I continued on, like nothing was wrong. Finished up the general idea of periods, sex, and male and female anatomy. And my darling Essie's response? "People DO that???? EWWW!!!!!!!!!!!"
God did show his complete sense of humor (and I like to believe a small amount of vindication for mommy) when we went to church the following Sunday and Essie looked at the bulletin. The topic of the Sermon? Sex. She looked at me and said "You have GOT to be kidding me!"
HA
Monday, July 21, 2008
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LOL LOL LOL TOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!! I have boys I have boys I have boys so I hope this talk will not be for anohter 20 years when they decide to grow up! LOL TOO FUNNY and WHAT a GREAT MOM YOU ARE!
YOU ROCK
Love it. Jacob thought that when you have sex and the girl gets pregnant that you have to stay together that way till the baby comes. Things kids think.
Very funny! I always dreaded that talk...
All I have left in the house is a ten year old boy. I did my job explaining the facts of life to Steph. Jason is gonna have to step up to the plate with Henry. By the way, I have an award for you. Come by my blog and pick it up!!
That is the best story that I have heard about the subject! LOVE IT!
HAHAHA! I love it!
I love hearing that young children still get grossed out by the idea of sex... they are growing up so fast now that I never know what they know about.
Bless her innocent little heart :)
(Breathing a sign of relief...)
Thank God I have boys!!!! Yes, that does come with a whole other set of "uncomfy" discussions and issues, but not til way later I hope!!!
Given the uhhhh...hmmmmmm...
"setting" y'all were in for THE TALK... you seemingly handled it as well, and as with as much grace as you possibly could have, LOL!!!
Oh, and I popped over from my awesome friend's (Dawn) blog!!!
Oh geez - you did handle yourself very well, considering the setting and topic. You'll never forget that I bet. When my mom's sister was little she thought when babies were born they came out of our mouths. Yikes!
I have to give you credit for handling that scene like a champ...nekkid and all! :D If I remember correctly I didn't even get a talking to about that...health ed was expected to handle that.
BTW, thanks for missing me!! :)
LOL! I had the basic period talk with BigOne a few weeks ago when she asked me what a tampon (pronounced tampen as in rhymes with dampen LOL!!) was. I'm so not ready!!
You are such a terrific mother...I'm going to remember all of this when "the talk" has to occur in our household...in a few more years, hopefully.
Wow, that is too funny! It sounds like you did a good job! I saw your name on Mimi's blog and thought I would stop by. Stop by my blog anytime! Have a great week!
LOL that's really cute...and I will die of embarrassment when it's my turn to talk with Katie. Iknow I will.
Oh. My. Goodness. That is both adorable/funny and terrifying. All in the same breath. I don't even want to think about that convo with Lydie...
I literally laughed out loud with that one. The things kids say. :-)
Having boys doesn't let you off the hook. Both of my boys have asked TONS of questions... fortunately for me I got to answer them fully dressed. Poor you!
Kudos to you for being so honest with your daughter! My older two were 4 and 5 when I got pregnant with our third, so I had a lot of esplainin' to do (they asked a lot of questions, too).
Congrats on your saucy, comment lovin' day today!
I am edging up to this with my 9 yo eeeeeeekkK!
You handled that well - I thankfully have a few more years before that happens!
I am not looking forward to that conversation. My son is only 5 and he's already questioning why mummy and daddy are different and is very aware of his own "bits and pieces" as he calls it!
Oh yikes! I hope my kids will open that door for us to have "THE CONVERSATION" so we know they are ready. I also hope it's not the BATHROOM door!!
Oh, I dread this talk. My son went to the bathroom with me one time when he was two and Aunt Flo was visiting. He wanted to know--loudly--if I needed a big bandaid. Good times. Good times.
Oh, I totally have to have this talk with The Girl (she is 9 1/2) and I *really* don't want to yet!
And - mine are ALWAYS walking in when I'm in the shower...or, more likely getting OUT of the shower!
Thanks for the chuckles, SITSta.
My kiddo is only 5, so we're (hopefully) a few years away from That Talk, but I wouldn't be surprised if it happened while I was in the shower or otherwise using the bathroom facilities, as my kiddo has NO issues with wandering into the bathroom (privacy? What's that?) and plunking herself down for a chat.
Thus far, she only knows that feminine protection is "something big girls need sometimes" and it hasn't gone any farther than that. Whew.
Cheers!
I think I was 9 when my sister told me about the birds and the bees. I was SOOOO grossed out. I called my BFF and told her and her brother had told her the same thing so I figured then my sister wasn't lying to me. But I swore I'd never have sex....too gross.
(ahem)Then I grew up....
Anyhoo....have a great SITS day!!! You are gonna feel the love so much today you'll almost burst!!!:)
First of all, congrats on your big day! Second of all, just wait until you have to explain to her how to "groom" herself "dwon there"! I had to do this just a week ago with my 2 11 year olds. Their dad was mortified! I never really thought about it before but when it "cam to fruition" that something needed to be said, I just jumped in with both feet. Terrifying, really!
Wow. I don't envy you. I'm SO not looking forward to that talk! I've got boys, but still, I'm the one who's home with them!! AAAGGHH!!
*Happy SITS Day!
This is a funny story. For all those Moms out there dreading "the talk" I suggest buying Where Did I Come From, an illustrated book that breaks down the birds and bees in a humorous manner.
Oh my gosh! That is the funniest birds and bees story I've heard.
Happy SITS day! I was surprised (pleasantly) to see you were the featured blogger. Yea!
That is so dern funny. However I am totally dreading that day. Luckily I have a few years (I hope).
Congrats on your SITS day
EEK! Not looking forward to having that talk, but at least I have boys. Not sure if I trust the hubby with that talk, though. I will probably have to do it myself. yikes.
That's horrible. The naked "talk". I don't know if it gets more uncomfortable than that! Great story fodder though. ;-)
Whew good thing I have two son's first and Chef and handle this. I have a couple years still I hope.
Oh man! To give that talk NAKED!? Sounds like you handled it beautifully though!!
Ah, yes...that talk. I had it when mine was 6...yes...6. She asked, I told.
Came via SITS.
Way to tackle the issues! Better than a Presidential candidate. ;)
I am not looking forward to that talk. Since I have mostly boys, I am going to make m hubby do it. ;)
Congrats on you SITS day!
Oh my goodness. My oldest daughter got her 'education' at school in class and that helped a lot. My youngest gets ahold of all this info, she will RUN with it...I am afraid! :)
I had the same experience as 'And Baby Will Make 4'. My mom never talked to me about it. I didn't know what it was when it arrived at the tender age of 10. She had to give me an explanation then...all I remember is her telling me that this would happen every month until I was old! I was aghast! Every month...no wonder she didn't tell me about it until it was absolutely necessary.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Glad you were able to keep your cool. Essie sounds like an awesome girl.
I hated this moment but like you realized I had to suck it up and do it. Thank God I only have one girl. My experience was not quite this interesting though.
Definitely an interesting time to being having the talk...
LOL ... that's just too funny :-)
At least it was at home, with just the two of you.
One of my kids, in a loud, piping voice, asked me one of those questions, while we were waiting in lne at the supermarket.
Everybody in line with me, plus those waiting in line within hearing distance, all looked at me with great interest, to see how I was going to handle it.
Congrats on being SITS, Queen for the day :-)
What I want to know is, why don't the father's ever get put into these majorly uncomfortable situations? HUh?
I KNOW my husband has NEVER been asked ANY inquisitive 'birds & bees' questions by my son... However, my daughter seems to put me on the spot all the time!
Oh my stars. That is funny. I'm sure I did that to my mom, but I don't remember. I'm gonna have to ask her. What is it about the bathroom. My mom & I, and my sister & I, always had the deepest conversations while one of us was in the bathtub or shower.
That is hysterical. I have to admit I have never had that discussion naked. You handled it well.
I came over from SITS, congrats on your special day.
Very cute story. I shudder to think that my niece is possibly only 2 years away from this scenario. What happened to the child who used to nap in my lap?
Oh man that was funny. I can't believe you had the talk naked in the shower. I love the little comments that Essie had.
Congrats on you SITS day!
What a cute story....she knew when to grab you in a moment that you couldn't get out of! Pretty smart 8 year old!!
I was hoping for two boys so I could get out of the birds and bees talk... but alas.. I have a daughter...and am not looking forward to it at all...
Congrats on your SITS Day! Man, I got slightly uncomfortable just reading that! Well handled!
Classic. That's one you will be telling your grandchildren about their mother!
Mine have both been pondering "things" as well lately. When I explained the real deal on baby birth, instead of my usual "doctor takes it out of mommy's tummy", my 7.5 year old said "that is disgusting and please never talk to me about it again".
I am NOT looking forward to having those little talks in a few years. Suddenly age 3 doesn't seem so difficult after all....!
Since I commented on this the first time I read it, I'm here to say CONGRATS on your SITS day!! Luv ya!
I happened to hear about some awesome books at the bible book store which are age appropriate. I bought the whole series because, well, how do you teach BOYS about that? BOYS! They DON'T get grossed out....they wanna know if there are pictures and diagrams! UGH!
This is really funny! I have a daughter and I know what I have to look forward to. :)
I remember my mom cried when I asked her to buy me tampons so I would not have to use pads.
Today...I have 5 daughters (eek) that i have to explain the facts of life to! I trapped my oldest in the car last year to give her the speech! She hated every moment! I am seriously not looking forward to having to do this 4 more times!!!
Your "naked" portion of the story, sounds exactly like my worst nightmare, since it is impossible for me to be in the shower or the tub without at least ONE of my kids coming in, and someone will always state the obvious! "mommy, your naked!"
i'm so glad i have 3 boys so the sex talk stuff is all my husbands job.
When I was your daughter's age, my mom asked if I know how babies are made and I said, "Yeah, by kissing." I'm still marred by the conversation that followed...and we both had our clothes on! But it's got to be done and you did a great job.
I think I would have just died. That is too much. Great story!
oh wow, does THIS ever bring back memories! I remember having a very similar conversation with my eldest daughter. I explained in very basic terms what "sex" was and thought it had gone very well, until she went racing upstairs to tell my stunned husband that he and I needed to have sex right away because she wanted a baby sister before Christmas.
eeew is right!
I can't say I blame her ;)
That is too funny. My daughter is 2 1/2 and I dread the day when we will have to do this with her. I've contemplated having my sister do it.... is that cheating?
My daughter is six...so, you're telling me I have about two years to prepare the talk. Right?! I pride myself in how candid I am with my daughter, but I see myself stumbling and flustering when this topic gets brought up. How do you know exactly how far into detail to go?
My daughter is eight. . .I have been dreading this moment. She is beginning to ask questions. I think I will keep the door of the bathroom locked until I figure out what I'm going to say! I can't handle the pressure of naked education!
Oh my what a funny story.
In response to the "Love me.... LOVE me..... love ME...." Now I've got that song Lovefool by the Cardigans stuck in my head. lol
Yikes. I'll remember to get dressed first should my dauther want that talk when I happen to be naked! :)
Congrats on your feature! Funny funny awkward story. So glad I have boys. I don't remember my mom ever talking one on one about it, but I do remember my girl scout troop getting the talk as a group... from my mom!
TOO funny. Fortunately, my 11 yr. is developing slower and she got the whole thing from the school nurse during a human growth course. I can't believe you did it Naked though. Kudos.....
Ah!! Naked sex talk. LOL! Although somehow it seems better than when my mom gave me "the talk" with diagrams on a blackboard. hmmm. ha! Anywho, yayy for your SITS day!
So funny and scary all at the same time! Congrats on the SITS feature!
Hey, just stopping by from SITS and I have to say...I'm praising the Lord I have boys. Never will I have that talk and NEVER will it be naked.
Thank you for making me laugh today! Congrats on your SITSday!!
Happy SITS Day!!!!!
That is downright hilarious. I give you two very big thumbs up for keeping your composure when she threw the shower curtain back.!!!!
sounds like you handled it like a pro!!
Unfortunately...or fortunately...my kids have had the "joy" of seeing my dogs "mate". They have already asked those wonderful questions and my son has even acted out the wonderful motion of...uh hem...humping. My SON is the one who always asks about bleeding and he will be 5 soon. The girls are older and just do not seem to really care. I don't know if that means I am lucky or if I should worry. Congrats on your SITS day!
oh, geez...you mean i only have 2 more years till that talk??! eek!
happy sits day :)
You brave woman, you!
She will LOVE that story when she's older! Too funny :)
Congrats on being featured!!
Laughing so hard! Thanks for the grins
OH NO!!! I'm dreading this 'talk' with my OWN 2 girls...and I"m sure it will be here long before I'm ready for it. :)
OH NO!!! I'm dreading this 'talk' with my OWN 2 girls...and I"m sure it will be here long before I'm ready for it. :)
OH NO!!! I'm dreading this 'talk' with my OWN 2 girls...and I"m sure it will be here long before I'm ready for it. :)
Yeah, no one ever expects it to happen quite that way... But I think you handled it well, all things considered!
Well, I have to say that talking about sex at church STILL makes me uncomfortable!
All I want to know is where you ladies go to church? I'm Catholic....we don't do sex at church! :P
Happy SITS day.
Happy SITS day!!
I am so glad our school teaches all this. It's a program they call Health and Human Development and each grade learns age appropriate material. I still had to answer some questions and clarify some stuff with my oldest but it was much easier and I didn't go any further that what they'd been learning each year. And the best part....I didn't have to do it naked!
My youngest may be a different story, she's very different than her sister. She hasn't gotten to any of the good stuff yet! Not looking forward to what she comes to me with.
Sounds like you two have good communication. I have to admit, naked in the shower wouldn't have been the most comfortable time for such an uncomfrtable subject, but good for you! I love her comment about the church sermon. hehe
Oh my Lord! This was just too funny! I can't imagine giving this lesson in the buff. You're a brave brave woman! Have fun trying to keep up with all these comments! Off to read more of your posts!
Justine :o )
I just can't wait. And I've got three of them that will all start asking right about the same time. Maybe we'll have a little "class," before they take me by surprise. And I have the benefit of choosing my wardrobe...
Hopefully she is disgusted enough to stay away from Boys & sex for a LONG LONG LONG time! hahahaha. Great Post.
Hopefully she is disgusted enough to stay away from Boys & sex for a LONG LONG LONG time! hahahaha. Great Post.
As usual, Lizzy is the funniest duck in the pond........and what is it with our children that they feel the need to be in our presence when we are naked?
My children (both boys) are always walking in my bathroom just when the shower curtain is opening and i am reaching for a towel.....uggghhh.
So far i ahve been able to avoid the 'bleeding' conversation!!
happy Sits day!
Great story....so glad I have a boy. Or Am I? Hmmmmm...........
Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Be glad the question didn't come in the bathroom stall in Wal-Mart...or worse.
lol
Oh my gosh that is funny...the whole scene is out of a movie. I am really not looking forward to that conversation with my daughter. Can you do it for me? I'll make some dip for you ;)
You did a great job! Way To Go MOM!
Jen
I am SUCH an idiot when it comes to this stuff that I would have failed miserably WITH clothes on, let alone without. Kudos to you for pulling it off!!
At least it made for a perfectly hilarious blog post!!
Wow - you're a real trooper. I hereby bow down before you as the queen bee of all "birds & bees" survivors!
Happy SITS day!
Congrats on the feature!
And I must say that I'm thrilled to hear that there are 8 year old girls who don't know about sex and are disgusted when told about it. After some of the news stories I've read about the sex parties and sleepovers that young (like 8, 9) kids have these days, I was petrified. Ahhh my faith in humanity is restored!
The talk! So funny!
Congrats on your SITS day!
You're my mommy hero--especially the line about not having any bootstraps!
ROFLMAO. I remember my convo with my mom.
Me: Mom I think I got my period.
Mom: Do you have a pad
Me: Yep
Mom: Any other questions?
Shoot, I think I'm lucky I'm married without a kid.
That is so funny. I am still laughing out loud. You crack me up. Poor Essie, she may never return to church.
That is so funny. I am still laughing out loud. You crack me up. Poor Essie, she may never return to church.
Aaaah, the humiliation (for both of you!) Good Job, pushing through to the bitter end of "THE TALK"!
Happy SITS day; enjoy your comment love!!
Too funny! I have boys and I can only imagine what they will come up with when they get that age.
Oh, I am NOT looking forward to this talk with my girls...with either of them! My oldest is 6, and she already needs undershirts...WTH?
Thanks for the giggle...I'll have to remember the shower trick.
I hear the car is a good place, too, since eye contact is minimal.
I've had the "bleeding" talk with my girls, but I am so not looking forward to going into further detail about s-e-x!
Bless her heart. Not an easy age AT ALL. Hang in there Mom.
Jen
oh lawdy. That is too funny. I am kinda freakin out though. my daughter is almost 9 and we've told her "a mommy has a garden and a daddy has a seed and God makes it grow..." etc. Very non-sexual. Recently she asked how the seed gets to the garden. Hmmm... I did a quick dance around that one. Sooner or later I'm gonna have to drop the bomb on her and I think I can't stand the thought of her going from innocent little girl to knowing all the dirty details.
wayyyy toooo funny!!!
~simply~
Argh, one day, the questions will come to ME and then ... well THEN ... ummm ...
Yeah. I've got it all thought out.
That is a great story! I have 3 girls, so I very much understand what you are going through. My oldest two are 2 years apart in age, but I think they are about to start at the same time. They are both showing the same signs of puberty. I am scared. Worst of all, my poor husband! Congrats on being featured.
congrats on being sits sista for the day! what a funny story-well we can say that can't we because we aren't the ones having this conversation!!! not like you planned i suppose!!! i hopey ou make it to the hot tub one day!!! you are cute!
I'm not sure what happened to yesterday---but here I am late to the SITS party :)!
Can I just say I'm thankful I don't have girls :)! But the deciding to ask you important questions while in the shower---been there! You're right, hard to not be serious when you're without clothing !
Ohhh....I dread the day that I truly have to explain what those "funny things" in mom's drawer are really for (tampons). I bet that day at church was a sermon your daughter will never forget! Ha!
Spying panty liners in my cabinet, my 4-year-old daughter asked in a sweet voice, "Are those big girl band-aids?" I thought that was a pretty good explanation for a girl her age, so I went with it!
Oh how I dread the day my little girl asks these questions. Then again, I pray she feels comfortable enough to talk to me about it. I was so shy that it wasn't a topic I ever wanted to discuss or ask my parents about.
20 or more years later I've posted my journey into motherhood on a blog for the world to read. Talk about CRAZY!!! Oh, during my 2nd attempt at IVF, my mom actually came in the room with my husband and I when they placed the eggs back into my body. MY HOW THINGS HAVE CHANGED!
Visiting from Sits!
How fun! ;-) I had my 3 year old son ask me quite loudly in the middle of a store, where my penis was. I quite loudly responded that I didn't have one and I never had one because I was BORN A GIRL.
Fun times with kids!
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