If One is Good, Two is Better

32 years ago this Christmas my Dad introduced me to a lovely lady named Julie. At the time she was a "friend" of his from grad school. 4 days later he moved out of our house to move in with her. 6 months later my parents divorce was finalized. 7 days later he & Julie got married in South Dakota... because back then in Minnesota you had to wait 6 weeks after a divorce to get married, and they didn't want to wait.

Not the most auspicious of beginnings hunh?

Julie was different from my mom. She had traveled and taught school in Europe. She had a bit of a hippie vein to her. She was IKEA long before IKEA ever hit the states. She was a kindergarten teacher... I was in kindergarten. So we had that going for us.

I liked her. What wasn't to like? I went to be with them for 6 weeks in the summer - they were both teachers so it was party time/vacation the whole time. She really did a good job as a step-mom... didn't push... didn't try to be my MOM, but didn't let me get away with a whole lot (not that I tried a whole lot... I was a good kid).

Then she got pregnant and had my brother... followed 15 months later by my sister. I thought maybe I'd be pushed aside.. unnecessary. Nope... Julie let me help her and be a big sister. She encouraged me and loved me. When people asked her how many kids she had, she always said 3. That meant more to me than she will ever know.

She once made a whole wardrobe of clothing for my Barbies. She let us make graham cracker houses every Christmas. She makes my girls Halloween costumes every year.

As a teen, as I learned more about how she came into my life and what happened to my parents, I went through a period of resenting her. I saw HER as the reason they split up. I wrote her a long letter asking how she could get involved with a married man. More importantly with a man who was a Daddy. She wrote me back... a very long letter... never making excuses or shifting blame, but apologizing and explaining.

As I got older I started to understand that the split was NOT her fault. She was a symptom. My mom & dad messed up their marriage... both of them.

Looking back... my parents weren't right for each other. Julie is right for my dad. She's what he needs. They are wonderful parents, fabulous grandparents and so totally in love with each other still to this day.

People look at pictures and point at her and ask who she is. To make it easy, I tell them she's my step-mom. But she's not... she's my Julie. Hank is my dad, Carol is my mom, and Julie is my julie.

I love the relationship I have with her now. There isn't the pressure that there is on my relationship with my mom. Julie is a listening ear and a kind voice. And over the past couple years, I have started to truly understand how a marriage can fall apart. And how you can find the love you didn't know you were looking for. And I've seen her with different eyes... understanding eyes.

There's a distinct possibility that in the next year or so I may end up being someones step-mom. I'm COMPLETELY grateful to Julie for the example she's been to me over the years. I hope that I can do half the job as a step-mom as she has done. I hope that my step-kids (which I WON'T call them) will see me as their Lizzy... not their "step-mom".

So... Happy Birthday Julie. Thank you for the wonderful example of being a step-mom, wife, friend and daughter of God that you are. Thank you for being my Julie.