I spent Friday evening in Kat's bed.
Alright... I'll give you more than that. Kat and her daughter and I hung out in Kat's bed watching Jurassic Park while her youngest and her friends partied downstairs. After the movie was over, Kat and I just hung out talking. Not to get all sappy, but it's been a long time since I've had a friend like Kat and I'm REALLY grateful for her.
Saturday I went to a baseball game for kids with special needs. And it really re-awakened something in me. I babysat for 2 families growing up, who had kids with Downs Syndrome. And then was closely involved with 2 other families who also had Down's kids (and only one of those was the classic "older parent" situation... the rest all had Down's babies at young ages)... and I've always had a special place in my heart for kids with Downs. And here on this team are these kids, and ... I can't explain it, but I'm just drawn to them. I love their attitudes (not that like all children they don't manage to have some AMAZING melt downs)... and I love how passionate they can be about whatever it is they've decided to be passionate about. I keep trying to decide what I want to be when I grow up... and I'm feeling like maybe my being at Saturday's game wasn't an accident... maybe it was a sign. Who knows.
Saturday afternoon I shopped with Kat and her girls, and then Saturday evening I spent with Mr. B, playing games and talking.
I went to pick up the girls and my ex was all pissy. He and Essie have difficulties with each other, and apparently they'd had a BAD weekend. The girls got in the car and he and I stood out in the rain talking about it. He told me that she doesn't care whether he lives or dies (ahhh.. such a typical phrase from his mouth) (and not true... he's just a drama king) and then... get this... told me that he took them to a cousin's birthday party on Saturday, and that Essie "is so backwards she didn't even say hi when she walked in." HE CALLED HER BACKWARDS... no... not to her face, but she's a very smart girl and if you think she's not catching every non-verbal clue that he's sending that TELL'S her she's backwards and wrong.. well... you'd be wrong. She does. And it hurts her. And then he goes on and on about how Gert goes in and talks to everyone. That's because they are TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, and Essie is more shy... and it takes her a while to warm up... and these are cousins who she sees a couple times a year. She's not backwards. How can you be someones parent for 10 years and not get them at ALL.
So I brought my beautiful baby home and I loved on her and told her she was beautiful and special and that the way she sees the world is so unique, that she has talents other people wished they had and that it's okay to have things you do really well and things you don't. Hopefully I undid a little of the ego-bruising he inflicted on her.
Oh... he said she wouldn't talk. GUESS WHY. Because he only wants to talk about the stuff that interests him. Hunting, work, etc... she wants to talk about Webkinz and Hannah Montana and things like that and he just shuts her down. And then fusses cause she won't talk.
Hmmm... anyone want to venture a guess why I hear Mr. B's name out of Essie's mouth more than I do her own dad's?
Sunday, April 19, 2009
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26 comments:
That's it?
You big tease...what else?
First... I'm pretty excited for this new possible direction for your life. Second, what a lame-o! I mean, seriously, doesn't he know that the things a parent says and does can seriously affect a kid? You just keep telling that girl that she's awesome and not to ever let anyone make her think differently.
Ah, poor girl. I hope she feels better after your talk. Your ex sounds like a real prize. Ugh.
Bummer for you guys! Clueless dad. Probably never occurred to him that he would have to actually be intentional about fulfilling the role of parent. But NEEDS to figure it out.
Absolutely amazes me how parents can't understand kids being different from each other. I have that prob with my MIL. She never liked boy number 2 cause he was not like boy number 1, DUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Glad she has you for a mom!! And Mr. B!
What a tool. And such a shame that he's missing out on having such a great kid as Essie as a daughter. Hopefully she will come out as unscathed as possible. My guess is that in about 10 years, he'll be seriously wondering why she never calls him.
Your ex sounds like a piece of work. Seriously ick, sorry.
I'm glad Kat is there for you. And Mr. B. :o)
Your poor girl. Kids are all different. I'm glad you see her the way she is and appreciate her. You're a great mom.
Maybe if he spent more time with his girls and got to really know them he would know better! He is miserable in his life it sounds like and wants to bring her down too.Each child is different and a parent should know that!Your girls are lucky to have such a loving, caring mother and you are lucky to have them too! :)
So jealous that you get to hang out and veg with Kat. I need good girl friends up here! :) And poor little Essie...I put my 10 year old in her shoes and I don't imagine she would have said anything either. They are starting to enter that awkward stage of life and if they are shy to begin with, of course they're not going to talk. I'm sad she had a bummer weekend.
Thank goodness for Kat and for Mr. B. It's people like them in our lives that make the exes (somewhat) tolerable.
Some men were just not cut out for fatherhood. Sad.
Stupid man. Of course without him, you wouldn't have The Ladies. Too bad you didn't just get him "bottled"!
Well, things happen for a reason and I'm glad that Mr. B is around to provide Essie with a role model for how a man should be.
This makes me sad... I hope Essie is resilient enough to not let things he says (or doesn't say) affect her too much.
Way to be a good mama... all little girls need that lovin :)
I am so glad they have Mr. B so that they have a true reality of how to be treated instead of just their Dad!
I'll keep praying that future visits will be better. Maybe you could give him a "prep" list? Favorite foods, tv shows, etc... He will probably be offended, but at least he won't be clueless.
Some people are just so wrapped up in their own pain, they don't see what they do to other people. Good job picking up his slack, Mom:-)
It's so sad that he doesn't see what he's doing wrong (or not doing right.) Thank goodness she has a wonderful, loving mother and a Mr. B. in her life!
You need to tell him to start saving for all the therapy he is going to put her through. I hope that when she is older that she will realize that just because he donated chromosomes...that is not all it takes to be a father. And she can find those father role models in a lot of other men in her life.
By the way...I am sooo still loving this song. I think that this and Jeff Buckley's Hallelujah are two of my top fives at the moment...
I guess I can figure out why you call him your "ex." But glad you got to spend some special time with your friend Kat and her family.
Geez...what a jerk-a-doodle-doo!
You are an amazing mama .. and I am so very glad you have Kat and Mr. B in your life, for both you and your girls.
I have a eerily similar situation with my girls and my eventually-ex. You've really been an inspiration, Lizzy. Hugs to all of you!
What a sad commentary on parenthood. I have a granddaughter who has about the same relationship with her father. When she was about five years old she told her mom she felt like she didn't even have a dad. For fathers day, she made every school gift for her grandpa, that is until her step father came on the scene. After that, he got the gifts and Stan didn't. We do still have one of her gifts hanging in our kitchen. It will always be there.
By the way, I had a Down's sister. I am so totally drawn to these special people. I know exactly what you are talking about.
Sis went home to the Lord on 12/31/1999. We say now that she was not Y2K compliant. She was 34 years old.
I do not know what to say honestly. So did you want to just smack some sense in to this DUDE or what? Just joking.
Take care!
BLick. What a yucky situation. Hope he gets over himself!!
I swore I posted to this but I don't see it...what I meant to say is your ex sounds like a piece of work and Essie is so lucky to have you for a mom. Hug her extra tight and hugs to you too!
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