To Be Honest - The Big One

Here's the one where we separate the wheat from the chaff. I know I have some readers out there who might have issues with what I'm about to share - and I get that. I have issues with it. But it is... what it is... and if you're too offended by what you read, and need to not read anymore, I'm cool. I understand. This is my blog, and this is where I keep my thoughts and memories to keep forever.

Mr. B is not yet divorced. When I met him, 3 years ago, he was still married and living with his wife. Things weren't going well, but they were still together. I was living separately from my now ex, just waiting for the year to be up so I could get a divorce. We knew when we met that something clicked, but didn't know what would happen. When we finally met in person (we had met online) we knew. We found the other half of ourselves. Truly the loves of our lives. He decided that he would be ending his marriage. I do not believe that I "ruined" their marriage. It was broken. And she had no desire to fix it. She had, in fact, had an affair 2 years prior.

The whole process didn't go quickly. Mr B isn't very confrontational, and things went on for a while. He started the divorce process with one lawyer who took his money and stopped returning his phone calls. He moved on to another lawyer and it's all been a long process. But we're getting to the end of it.

I read an article today about my favorite singer of all time - Amy Grant. And OH my gosh. I knew she had met Vince Gill while she was still married, but I never knew that she knows EXACTLY how I feel.

Around the holidays of that year, Grant and Gill played three events together in one night. "I knew from the tips of my toes that he was unlike anybody I had ever met," Grant remembers, "and that I related to him on such a cellular level. I was just so overwhelmed by him as a person that I finally came up behind him and wrapped my arms around him and said, 'I've needed to do this all night.' "

Yeah. I know that feeling.

Grant's pain was evident to her sister Nuismer: "Sometimes when people try to stay in [a marriage] with unresolved issues, they begin to shut down. It's like you see them dying."

Yeah. I know that feeling. So does Mr. B

Mr. B had mediation yesterday. It didn't go well. She's taking him to the cleaners. I could say a lot more. I probably will at some point, but not yet. It's not pretty. But he's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I know he feels the same about me. Last night he thanked me for saving him. I don't know... I think he saved me.

This surely isn't a path I saw myself taking when I was growing up. But I've learned so much. If I had it to over again, there are things I would do differently. But I can't, and I don't regret what I have, what I've found. I don't regret finally understanding what it's liked to be truly loved, solely for who I am.